Flashback: 07

From May 29, 2007, after falling in love. I was 17:

I'm an alcohol-induced nightmare
I'm a hallucinogen from above
I’m the addiction in your veins
All I want is love

My honesty is ashes now
With nothing left to trust
I am the doll with wide blue eyes
With cracks where a heart should rest
My cold porcelain veins lack a pulse as I stare with glass eyes.

Would you mend me if you could
I should never have taunted those flames
Will you stitch me back together tonight
Please kiss away all my pain
I swear I’m through playing with fire and I’ll promise you anything else!

Will you take this broken toy
I'm yours if you wish to play
With broken thoughts and worn charm
I'm yours to throw away
Please don’t discard me! I’m pleading! PLEASE!

Innocence blinds from seeing it’s gone
When purity hides stolen virtue
Will you please just hold my hand
Swear always to be true
I’d freeze inside, die, and stop breathing if you ever left me. Stay.

The London Bridge is finally coming down
I sat safely on my wall
Rings around roses with pockets of flowers
Then I had my great and terrible fall
Can any of your horses and men even hope to put me together again?

Trickling down my hoarse throat
Promising, ensnaring, sweet, and warm
All I’ve dreamed of filling me, binding me
Obsession in a deathly form
This poisonous addiction has entwined my desperate dreams and reality.

Glance into the mirror haunting me
A monster on the surface when I see me
If I look deeper, I see a blaze of intense perfection
Then I know it’s you I see
I scream and wonder why I can’t reach you through this tormenting glass!

Tuck me in and tell me a story
Give me a kiss goodnight
Caress my face and say it’s okay
And always hold me tight
Your touch is all that keeps me from fading, all that keeps me here.

I'm an alcohol-induced nightmare
I'm a hallucinogen from above
I’m the addiction in your veins
All I want is love

I wish frantically, frenetically, and erratically to be your angel forever.
I wish I knew what was real and what is just in my head
I wish you knew what you mean to me
I wish I knew fantasy from reality
I wish you knew everything
I wish you knew
I love you