Things are looking up. I am a bit sad, though. Right now, the only past I can somewhat hold on to is the look of the apartment. I remember that clearly in my mind, but I'll never be there ever again. I'll never walk out on my balcony again. Some day soon, I will forget that place entirely, just like everything else in my life. I wish I could hold on to good memories just a tiny bit longer...
This place feels real except nothing has sunken in. Then again, nothing has ever sunken in since high school. I wait for things to hit my, but they never do. I'm still waiting for my high school graduation, milestone birthdays, and many other things to hit me. Sometimes, I think I'm still seventeen. I forget. I just don't have any reality in these past years. Leaving isn't making me sad. Knowing I may never have something I can hold onto that will always feel real is tearing me up.
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