Change

Change is one of the most difficult things in the world, but perhaps the only thing you can really depend on. For an artist and creative mind to sit, staring at a blank canvas of any sort, free to create as they wish, but be filled only with the stresses of the day and strategically wrapped corporate ideas is nothing short of painful. This sort of change, the kind that rots deep within you until one day you wake up with such terrible morning sickness, is so traumatic. You open your eyes slowly as the mind gives birth to the knowledge that you have become everything you ever dreaded. You do have your mother's laugh or that college professor was right or you've completely lost sight of the dream.

Change is doubt, hatred, love, and adaptation. You look in a mirror and wonder who is staring back at you. Where did those wrinkles come from? How did you put on so much weight overnight? Change creeps in like a fog while you are asleep; when you awake, the world is different to you and you are different to the world.

Change breeds maturity and responsibility. It is what corrupts a dream and turns it into a chore. Change makes you spill your heart out for money until you soul is completely drained and you can only give cold, hard logic. It is what makes us work until our bodies give out just so that we may live. It is what transforms our goals into a horrible monster that drain us of our very essence.

Change gives in exchange for some of what it takes. It buys our hearts with promises of good to come. Change is finding love. Change is love that fades and withers and aches. Change is waking up alone every morning until one day finding someone else worth waking up beside. Change is waking up beside him, crying, and wondering why it's not the same.

Change is the transportation between the paths in our life. It is the acts that make up our show. Change is my weapon in becoming who I wanted to be. Change is my weapon in fighting change. I vow to change, to fight fire with fire, and try to become who I want. I will get where I want on my own terms. I will depend on change as he depends on me to live and feed. I will tame this beast and make him mine.