Tales of Rejection: Envy

Envy

Envy breathed deeply, feigning stupidity. She pretended to be numb and emotionless. She did not love the amazing and beautiful Caprice. Certainly not. If she did, her heart would surely be in pieces. If she loved that beautiful woman, it would surely kill Envy to be treated as she was.

She watched as Caprice loved everyone but her. She stood by with a smile as her heart's desire looked at others in a way that made everything far too obvious. She waited with clenched teeth and a searing pain in her chest. The lights in the stuffy club swirled, spun, and flashed frenetically, just for Caprice. The throbbing music was pounding in Envy 's head. All Envy wanted was to take Caprice home and try to convince the flighty girl that she could be enough.

Was she enough? She wasn't sure herself anymore. Caprice sure didn't seem to think so. She wasn't a good enough lover, she wasn't beautiful enough, she was too plain, she was too tall, she wasn't funny enough. Envy pretended to understand. She pretended it didn't hurt at all and she didn't care. She pretended to be happy that Caprice found others to fulfill all of her many needs. She pretended it didn't make her sick to her stomach every time Caprice said that one person is never enough, and that is why love fails. Envy pretended Caprice wasn't slowly killing her.

Caprice danced around the room, staring every attractive man and woman in the eye seductively and with devious intent. The jealousy bubbled up in Envy 's throat like bile and she had to fight not to choke. Rage filled her veins like a lightning fast venom, but all of this went unnoticed by Caprice. She continued to parade around like a peacock showing off his feathers.

That night, Caprice would bring home the handsome man called Games and the pretty young girl called Tricks. Caprice would later say they never made love because they only had sex, just like she does every time. She'd lie and say it was only ever making love if it was with Envy, but she just wasn't enough to satisfy Caprice's lust for revenge and manipulation.

Games had a wife, but that didn't matter enough. Commitment was a foreign word to Caprice, Games, and Tricks. Caprice told Envy she could never love or respect Games because of his disloyalty. Tricks was an immature mess of emotions and exploitation. Caprice assured Envy she could never love Tricks because of her naivety. Envy laughed, smiled, and nodded out of feigned understanding. She told Caprice she didn't care at all. She said she knew that her and Caprice weren't together or serious, so Caprice could do whatever she wanted to be happy. Caprice kissed Envy, whispered that she loved her, and returned to her terrible bed of lies and destruction.

Envy wondered if words or actions truly speak louder. Caprice acted unfaithfully with all of the characteristics that she claimed could not be loved in Tricks or Games, but she said she loved only Envy and that they would be happy together forever someday. All of the hypocrisy and abrupt emotional changes were driving Envy out of her mind. At least Tricks and Games had the decency to keep their horrible truths to themselves. Caprice was all too blunt and open with Envy about her activities and feelings. Was Envy not worth any level of tact or respect?

Envy had tried telling Caprice of her jealousy before, but it did more harm than good. Caprice decided to leave Envy until both of them were "ready." Envy immediately took back all she said, and Caprice stayed. Envy had to either hide her emotions or lose the woman she loved.

Envy would have given Caprice anything Tricks or Games would. She would have given Caprice anything at all. Why didn't it make a difference? Envy couldn't stand seeing Caprice giving so much of the attention she would die for to others Caprice herself deemed unworthy. She couldn't stand hearing about Caprice's escapades. Why was Caprice doing this to her? Was it all some horrendous test or was Caprice really that hedonistic and volatile?

Envy knew she could take it no more. She heard the thumping and moaning from her bedroom and wanted nothing more than to kill Tricks and Games. It was her home with Caprice, and she was a fool for letting Caprice walk all over her. She let out a scream, but no one came to check on her. A fiery rage burned like an inferno within Envy like never before. Stopping to think about all of the injustice was something she'd always feared and never done. Now, the fury overtook her entirely.

She was shaking violently, not with fear but with pure anger, as she picked up the knife in the kitchen. She held it out in front of her face without an ounce of doubt. The knife met with her head in one sure, swift motion. Envy yanked the knife back out and thrust it into the other eye without so much as a gasp or scream.

What she saw could not hurt her if she was blind. Her ears were next, naturally. The blood filled her head and made Envy nauseas, but she was successfully desensitized to Caprice's cruelty. After vomiting several times and tending to her wounds, Envy put on her sunglasses and felt her way to her bedroom. She flung open the door and sat down on the bed. She could feel Caprice, Tricks, and Games writhing beneath her sheets. She didn't hear Tricks ask, "What the hell is she doing in here?" or Games ask her to join in. She didn't hear the concern in Caprice's voice when she first realized something was wrong and called out Envy's name. Envy didn't see Caprice move closer to find out what was going on. She only felt Caprice's hands shaking her as if to snap her out of a daze.

She didn't hear Caprice get angry or see Games and Tricks go out the door. Envy only felt Caprice's hand angrily rip the sunglasses from her face. She didn't hear Caprice shriek in horror or see the terror in her face, but Envy smiled, knowing what must be happening. "My love," Envy whispered in a cynical tone, "you didn't want me to mind all the pain you put me through. You didn't care that you were killing me and you wanted me to be blind to it all. Now, I am truly blind for you. I am numb to all the terrible things you do, just as you wanted. I love you and you can do nothing more to hurt me." Envy reached up to dry Caprice's tears and smiled. "Don't cry, my love. It was all worth it. I cannot hear your blatant lies or see your unfaithful acts. You are perfect for me now. In my blindness, I see now that you could not respect me because I respected you too much. You chose Tricks and Games over me because they hurt you back and knocked you down and put you in your place. Because I didn't punish you or look down on you, you treated me like dirt. Now, it is my turn to do to you as you have done to me, for the sake of love."

Envy couldn't see the knife as it carved into its target. She could not hear Caprice's piercing screams in agony. She could only feel the blade hacking away at her love's body. She could not see Caprice die or hear her breathing cease. All Envy could do was feel the body of her beloved Caprice lying next to her in their bed, finally ready to be happy with Envy forever.