Day 3

DAUGHTER 9:51 pm
i feel like crap

MOTHER 9:52 pm
y

DAUGHTER 9:53 pm
idk
unmotivated. like theres no point to work, school, the medicine

MOTHER 9:53 pm
u have to give the medicine time

DAUGHTER 9:53 pm
i KNOW that rationally
doesnt mean i feel it right now
its depression and not just teen angst because i cant help it

MOTHER 9:54 pm
ok

DAUGHTER 9:54 pm
i know itll take time
i know ill feel better someday

DAUGHTER 9:54 pm
but i feel like everything sucks, like im not real, and nothing will be okay

MOTHER 9:55 pm
it will


DAUGHTER 9:55 pm
i knoooow
but i dont FEEL that way

MOTHER 9:55 pm
You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
dr seuss is wonderful

DAUGHTER 9:56 pm
haha yeah
mikey doesnt want to leave without me
i talked to him about everything

DAUGHTER 10:01 pm
we both think some responsibility and steps toward being a normal person again will make things better
hes so upset over zombie. the hamster hates EVERYONE
zombie was his bestie
he says he doesnt want to lose me too
i have no clue what to do
this stupid thing that ive lived with for years is NOW tearing apart all my plans for my businesses and school

MOTHER 10:05 pm
well try looking at the good things

DAUGHTER 10:06 pm
i want to go to school. i want to make a movie. i want to get my companies legitimized and pumping.

MOTHER 10:06 pm
i mean in the past
you won for your movie

DAUGHTER 10:06 pm
i won SECOND. never quite good enough.

MOTHER 10:07 pm
you keep bringing up the past
it was out of thousands
it was ur first attempt

DAUGHTER 10:07 pm
see this is the issue
you think i can control how i feel. you think this is just some magical new issue because of guilt when really no matter what i did you'd always find a reason for me to be in trouble.

MOTHER 10:08 pm
u were never in trouble
how many times grounded?
taken things away
?

DAUGHTER 10:08 pm
you couldnt let me off the leash even for a moment. i had nothing to hide but i couldnt go out because i was afraid id come home to you hating me over something irrational

MOTHER 10:09 pm
how were u in trouble

DAUGHTER 10:09 pm
i always got in trouble for journals and diaries. my private thoughts.
my friends

MOTHER 10:09 pm
no
myspace and social sites you were in trouble for. yes

DAUGHTER 10:09 pm
why?
why are those any big thing?

MOTHER 10:09 pm
cuz i had asked u not to

DAUGHTER 10:10 pm
why?
irrational.

MOTHER 10:10 pm
ok

DAUGHTER 10:10 pm
it was my way of having a social life. my way of having friends i could get along with. in case you havent noticed
all my friends have abandoned me

DAUGHTER 10:10 pm
if someone online abandoned me, i had a huge list of more friends

MOTHER 10:11 pm
you had alot of friends they feel you abandoned them

DAUGHTER 10:11 pm
and i was judged only on my art and my profile page id design.

MOTHER 10:11 pm
y did u need a huge list of strangers

DAUGHTER 10:11 pm
it wasnt a big thing.

MOTHER 10:11 pm
i thought it was dangerous

DAUGHTER 10:11 pm
because its modern times. its how i am. im a tech savvy person. its what i like.

MOTHER 10:11 pm
stranger danger

DAUGHTER 10:11 pm
i was careful
you didnt trust me not to be idiotice
i used fake names
never an address

MOTHER 10:12 pm
ok that was pretty muuch it

DAUGHTER 10:12 pm
and to be honest if it hadnt been such a big deal, i would have been able to rebuild my social skills

MOTHER 10:12 pm
oh ok

DAUGHTER 10:12 pm
it was a tool to help my confidence and social life. thats it
i wasnt eating people or worshipping the devil

MOTHER 10:13 pm
well you know what your psychitrist can help u with all this
for the most part people are not good. it wasnt safe to me

DAUGHTER 10:14 pm
because you didnt get me. and thats understandable

MOTHER 10:14 pm
still isnt safe

DAUGHTER 10:14 pm
you disproved of my art. my writing.

MOTHER 10:14 pm
ask bill gates

DAUGHTER 10:14 pm
NOTHING is safe
schools arent safe
internet
work
ive been more in danger at my JOBS than online

MOTHER 10:14 pm
hes more tech saavy and more anti social than anyone

DAUGHTER 10:14 pm
im not an idiot
im terrified of people

MOTHER 10:15 pm
neither is he

DAUGHTER 10:15 pm
i protect myself
and it was nice to have friends you didnt know about
otherwise youd pretend to be me and talk to them
from the beginning you NEVER trusted me and were always LOOKING
but when i blatantly wanted and asked for help...nothing

MOTHER 10:16 pm
so in a nutshell its my fault u dont have a huge amount of friends that you dont really know

MOTHER 10:17 pm
umm we talked 1 night
and yes you said you wanted to talk to someone

DAUGHTER 10:17 pm
and you said

MOTHER 10:17 pm
we talked again and YOU flat out said that u were handling it u would let me know nothing else was ever said

DAUGHTER 10:18 pm
"fine. but when lexi and brooke cant have any new clothes or nice things, you can explain that its because i have to pay for you to talk to some stranger so he can tell me whats wrong with you."

MOTHER 10:18 pm
um no

DAUGHTER 10:18 pm
you said that. when i told daddy i was burning myself and cutting myself.

MOTHER 10:19 pm
hey look done with blame

DAUGHTER 10:19 pm
i remember. because im messed up. i only remember the things that hurt me.

MOTHER 10:19 pm
it took me along time to realize i am a good person

DAUGHTER 10:19 pm
i repeat them over and over, believing them.

MOTHER 10:19 pm
ALL I EVER DID WAS LOVE YOU
ok

DAUGHTER 10:19 pm
i know.

MOTHER 10:19 pm
i tried my best

DAUGHTER 10:20 pm
i know

MOTHER 10:20 pm
i really did

DAUGHTER 10:20 pm
its hard being a parent

MOTHER 10:20 pm
my best was not good enough

DAUGHTER 10:20 pm
one bad day can have a toll on a child.