more than ever

Today, I am more lost than found. More wrong than right. More volatile than stable. Less certain, less sure, less confident. I'm more scared and worried. I'm more concerned about the repercussions of my defective personality. I see the people I've hurt and the lives I've shattered. I am abandonment embodied.

Yet, I am also less alone. For once in my confused and wandering existence, I no longer feel alone. For the first time in years, I am happy. I am without any outside aid. I have done this all for myself. I found ways to make myself happy. He may make me happy, but I found him. I struggled to have him.

I may be wrong, I may be running in circles, and I may be a disease set upon the people I love, but this life I've been given is too short. Today, I will embrace the fact that I am lost because I am more myself than ever.